Start of another month

Start of another month.  Not feeling well at all.  So many things going on and running through my head.  Really don't know where to start with explaining how I feel.  I'm truly upset with the way things are going.  I've had many test ran on me for an upcoming trial study that I'm apart of.  Truly not feeling the vibe of the whole trial thing and I'm starting to reconsider my decision to be apart of it.  For starters its not what was discussed in my last meeting and now I'm told that I have no choice but to get my system shut down for 6 months to a year either through Lupron shots every month or taking a pill every month that I've never heard of and I dont know how this pill will affect my body so with that alone I'm highly afraid and starting to question things that I was told.  This is not an easy blog for me this is not an easy blog for me this month because aside from the pain my emotions are all over the placec and I'm doing the best I can to keep calm and not lose it.  I've gotta get some strength asap before I break from frustration.  God I need your help with this one.  Guide me through this process and help me to make the right decision for my body.